“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just leave it.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

George Carlin

No comment.

*Aha, so this is how it feels to be born…back there, inside, everything had the volume turned down and the colors were blurry. I never thought that its full of pain, well, pain relative, define pain, define relative, define… no, wait, stop, don’t define, don’t analyze. As I said being born its about pain, you cry your lungs out, you get oxygen, breathing for the first time, air runs down your lung, it finds every hidden room in it, tears run down your face, washing the blur away, you begin to see, colors beautiful, brighter than you could ever imagine :) , you hear the songs around you, you hear people, musicality, you begin to puzzle it, the sounds have no longer a far away sound, you’re in, you have arrived, you are born, you’re alive. :P

* I just found it

Buying, selling, buying, selling, now that’s what the new age is about… Acording to the time that has passed in these 3 years, I’m graduating… collage. Now, when did that happen? Time passed me by. Sometimes I’m glad, but from time to time I get to a point when I feel sorry, for the time I wasted, not by studying, by not giving a shit about certain stuff. Sooo, here I am, at an ending point, thinking about… my research for the diploma degree. Intelligent stuff, ain’t it? Yepp, it would be, IF I were intelligent or maybe a researcher, which I’m not. I’m going to do a research, intempt of a research, more exactly, about selling and buying shit:D. Look out, cuz I want to sell some useless stuff :P But I’m hoping for the best, I really hope people will buy what I’m proposing :D I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

Sorting out my thoughts, refusing to talk and mostly write about it, is it the answer? I don’t want to cry out for help, do you see me as I realy am, do you see my true color, did you see the spark in me? Capble of many things, doing nothing, am I wasting myself or am I already wasted, or was there nothing to waste to begin with. Am I dealing with it, can I deal with it? Refusing to think, tell me, baby, is it the answer and if you would know it, how would you see me after? Would your will still be there to see me, could you turn your back on an almost stranger? My war was always inside me, I can see how I won a round, consistency, is it going to be there? How could I talk about it, how could I be so cruel? You can’t help me… The war is in me, how can I ask you to sit and watch helpless as I fight? Am I strong, was I strong? How do You measure strong? What does it mean? Don’t worry I’ll be fine, it’s ok, tomorrow I’ll forget it…Fuck it!

What I want, never was the case. Do I still want you? Yes, I think so. Do I love you? Yes. Is there a difference, yes, does love come in many forms, I think so. How do I love you…hm… discribing the feeling, very simple, as I see it, it’s the feeling that you’re there, when phisycally you’re not. I think thats the feeling you’re giving me or gave me. Am I there for you, would you like that? Don’t mind me… Maybe some day…Move on.

So full of shit, searching for the right answers in every situation, is that what’s it about? Is it worth the effort? Baby, I’m aiming for something thats high, I always aimed for the top. If I get there, is that going to make me happy, or all get over it faster than I get over a cup of tea? Let’s face the facts, I’m alone, as I come to think of it, I always was alone, but when I’ll be happy I want to share it… with you.

* :)

04
Apr

“I need experience, just like a teenager”

Körülnéztem és láttam, hogy az jó, mosolyogtam és úgy éreztem az is jó. Tovább léptem és ismét körülnéztem és nem láttam semmit, és rájöttem, hogy az rossz, fére tettem a poharat és az üres poháron keresztül ismét átnéztem. Homályos volt, de ismét látni kezdtem valamit az ujjnyomok között. Fére tettem a poharat, de a füst megszegte a láthatárt. Elnyomtam a cigit és foszlányokban már tiszta képeket láttam magam elött. Mint a néma filmekben, folytak össze, kapaszkodtak egymásba a képek. Felerösitettem a hangeröt, egyhe sutogassok hallatszodtak, érteni, nehezemre esett mindent. Kiszedtem a fülemből a vatátt és a néma filmből, egy egész jó filmvetitést láttam és tudtam, hogy ez jó. Felmondtam a néző állásom és hamarosan az egyik szereplő lettem, és szeretem, mert ez jó… Szereplőként viszont épiteni kell és probálkozni és főleg érezni. Most érzek, és úgy gondolom, hogy ez jó…:)

16
Mar

So long, I think, time is passing, evan for me, the thing is, is it passing good or is it passing hard? Lets settle it, its passing fast:). Full of ups and less of downs.Thats good, i say. Nothing more to say… Cheers:D

Újra te
“Benned én
a kikötő felé haladó hajó nyugalmát,
Benned én
a felfedezők játékszenvedélyét szeretem,
Benned én a távozást,
Benned én a lehetetlent szeretem.
Beleveszni szemedbe, mint napsütötte erdőbe,
s a vadász étvágyával verejtékes-véresen
húsodba harapni dühös-éhesen. –
Benned én
a lehetetlent,
de nem a kétségbeesést szeretem.”

Nazim Hikmet, török iró, speachless…

Come now, baby, let’s fly away.

Fly up and between the Moon and the Sun, opening our eyes,

seeing into and beneath the Sun Rays, sweeping our tears away.

Come now, love, let’s go on the road tonight, hitchhiking to the place Unknown,

where our eyes have never been before.

Come now, darling, sail out the sea with me, we’ll run on turmoiled water,

sliding along the side of the illusoric beach,

chanting our ears, the shells beneath our feet.

Come now, baby, we’ll be free, mountains high,

shouting out to the Sun to take us on another level,

all our fears floating around us,

our faces lingering in pain from the crystal needle chill.

Come now, love, let’s run away, never to be heard of,

disapearing in shades, train tracks and dust behind us.

Take a chance, baby, ride the road with me, we’ll find all the treasures that were hidden,

message in the bottle, i’ll wait for it on the infinite shore, beside the boath.

Come now, Liebling, the boath still awaits the golden shores of the misbelieve.

Feelings burst up my chest, they are calling us, the magnet that pulls me,

come now, take my hand and remeber me now, and recognize me when i’m there.

Come now, we’ll change togheter, forget me, rediscover me.

Not much time, pack up, follow me, tomorrow I’ll be…

“Jim Stark: Nobody talks to children.
Judy: No, they just tell them.”

Már nem akarok értelmet adni az életemnek, már nem kell Te jöjjél, hogy betöltsed a mindennapjaimat, már a hiányod is elúszik, kilöktelek a pillanatokból, gondolatokból, neked itt már nincs helyed, értelmed. Még mindig értékes vagy, akár fontos is, de te már csak egy mellék ösvényen követsz. És ha majd megpillantalak a párhuzamos ösvényen rádmosolygok, ezermilliszecundomon át reménykedem, hogy nem fogsz elhagyni, lenézek és felsóhajtom és tóva haladok. Már nem akarok gondolkozni, már nem fontos az, hogy ki voltam, mi leszek, már nem akarok fontos lenni, már nem akarok megfelelni, már nem akarom tudni, hogy mit miért teszek, már nem akarom tudni, ha szeretsz, már nem akarok csak a tiéd lenni. Harcolni akarok, harcolni az üres pillanatokkal, tele akarom tölteni élettel, elnyújtani a szépeket, szineseket és egy nagy radirgumival kitörölni a fájdamasakat, én a pillanatnak akarok élni, én boldog akarok lenni. Élet = millionyi kis pillanat összefűzödése, keresztezödése más-más hósszú szállakkal. A vég pedig a gomolyag vagy akár két gomolyag vagy több gomolyag… Minden esetre szines gomolyag, azt akarom, hogy szines gomolyag legyen. És ha Te is ott leszel, a te gomolyagod milyen lesz? :P

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” O.W

‘Resurrected’ she said, and by a glimpse of an eye she turned and left the stage… The stage, and scenes that kept her imprisoned for some time. That invisible cage that was around her, keeping her from participating in life, she hadn’t lived for so long. ‘Fear’ she said, stepping out of comfort, ‘Fear of myself’ she said, and fought against herself. As years past, the web got thicker, larger, it became a part of her, ‘Symbiosis’ she thought. ‘Fighter’ she always knew, 5 years old and conscious of something special. ‘Strange’ they said, and walked away, love never was the case, hope still remained, though. ‘Weak’ they thought, emotions are not worth showing, sneaking behind they pushed away all the things they dreamt of feeling. ‘I’ she shouted, and stood up from the table that kept her from looking out, walked away, never looking back… Still, trying to find her path, she wonders in the forest, ‘Sky’ she looked up and thought to herself how many years have past and she pinched her eyes from it. ‘Regrets’ she knows, her eyes rapt in tears, looking up to the sky, ‘Time’ figuring to herself, ignoring her thoughts. Holding up her middle finger, looking in their eyes, her smile like she has a secret, that she never plans to tell. ‘Well, everybody makes mistakes’ she says, and by a turn of an arm, she closes her eyes and falls asleep after two years of being awake. ‘I am’ she dreams, eagerly waiting for the magic of tomorrow…

‘Carpe diem!’

Let me sleep all night in your soul kitchen
Warm my mind near your gentle stove’